Glamis The Great
Glamis The Great is my fourth novel and the first one to see a printing press. The premise is kind of like a D&D game that got horribly warped- The heroes go around ravishing whoever they please, the villain is a communist trying to overthrow oppressive monarchs, and as in any good satire fun is had at George Bush's expense. For more information look below or if I've already convinced you, you could just click here to be taken to a link where you can buy it with Paypal, or here to be taken to a link where you can buy it on Amazon.
If you're craving more information on Glamis you can check out chapters 1 to 3 on this very site. And here's a sample of some of the writing from the book:
"Bah!" Yelled Meddeum. "Damn those gnomes! They're tricky little bastards, just when you think you have them figured, they change everything! Or sometimes they don't, just to fool you! The bastards! They come screaming into battle with their puma allies. You'd think that they'd ride the pumas, but oh no, the pumas ride them. I told you. Tricky little bastards. I say we let em die."
If you want to sign up on the forums and speak out about Glamis or see what others are saying you can check out the Official Glamis thread. It's only open to people who have bought the book, which comes implanted with a special micro chip to allow access. Those lacking the chip will be reported to homeland security and spirited away to a secret detention facility in Belarus where they will be known as "Omar Shahim Abu Abbar's new bitch"
And if that didn't scare you off, here's some random questions about the book.
Q: Where did the characters come from?
A: Blake and I used to be heavily into Dungeons and Dragons. Our DM, Chris The Wizard was quite content to let us run rampant over the rules and make a mockery of the system. Meddeum and Telethar were our characters and they both make appearances in the book. Whenever Meddeum discusses his exploits those are situations that have actually occured in game play. Other than that all of the characters were developed just for this book though of course they were usually based upon stereotypes of some sort. For instance, Gilliam's clothing is a reference to the ensigns on Star Trek that always died.
Q: What if I don't have a credit card?
A: You might be able to get a book store to order it for you by giving them the ISBN number you'll find on the page linked at the top of this page.
Q: Will you sign my copy of Glamis?
A: If you somehow manage to track me down and get enough sedatives in me to keep me from fighting my way to freedom, yes. Alternately, you can email me and we can work out a system in which you ship the book to me along with an envelope in which I can send it back to you. If this system works properly the book will return to you signed. If it dosn't the book will be signed with some of whatever I've had for lunch, or will have an obscene limerick written in it by one of my friends. Either way the real winners are the children of the world.
Q: Will you be doing a book signing in X location?
A: Currently there are no plans for booksignings anywhere besides my humble home of Luray Virginia. When that changes I'll surely make a note of it here.
Q: There sure are an awful lot of references in Glamis. How many?
A: Even I've lost track. Some are obvious while some are more subtle. I doubt any one person will ever pick out all of them especially since some could refer to different things. For instance, the arrow that kills the seer near the end could be a reference to CTRL+ALT+DEL comics or Kentucky Fried Movie, or Suikoden.
Q: You mentioned X in your novel. Can I sue you now?
A: You could, if you found a lawyer who didn't know that satire is a protected form of free speach. And if you didn't mind everyone knowing you're an idiot.
Q: In the highly unlikely event that I'm a reviewer for a popular website, magazine or newspaper, and would like a review copy, how can I go about getting one?
A: Email me with some credentials and I'll set you up.
Q: What if I don't like Glamis, can I get my money back?
A: If you don't like Glamis it's a sure sign that your soul is dying. In some cases it's been observed that just pretending to like it and telling people it's a good book can keep your soul alive longer. Scientists are unsure of how this works but they think it might have to do with Dianetics.