Articles wherein cereal and liquor are mixed:
- Around a shitty website in 80 days - More incomprehensible nonsense on the Internet, and this time its not Chyld! (1/13/08)
- Six String Samurai review - Spinnach monsters, kids in car trunks, and one man slaying the post apocalyptic Russian army to become king of Lost Vegas = GENIUS!(6/17/05)
- Land Down Under review - Beer, chundering and glowing women, all in this forum exclusive article.
- Star Wars RotS - Was the conclusion of the saga worth seeing? Tune in for the definitive answer on the subject. My opinion is all that matters. Admit my superiority or perish! Bow down before me! (5/25/05)
- Howard's: Australian for Fear - Sime Sublime describes a completely useless campaign to make Australians more afraid of union workers, or something. (8/5/05)
- J. M. Does the news part 1 - J M comments on protests, terrorists, and the first ever rampage not inspired by a video game or Marilyn Manson(8/22/05)
- J. M. Does the news part 2 - J M comments on crazy arsed Christians and government lies, plus a weather forcast!(8/26/05)
- J. M. Does the news part 3 - J M comments on fatty lawsuits, the true cause of deaths in Iraq (gays, of course) and more! (8.28/05)
- J. M. Does the news part 4 - J M comments on al qaeda's promotions system as well as vital news about Jelly Pufflemur and his own personal plans for the coming month.
- A New Vacuum - J M talks about a scam infomercial for an appliance he's likely never used(9/6/05)
- The Vacuum Strikes Back - J M hardens his resolve to confront the evil appliance.(9/16/05)
- Return of the Rock - J M, Dorothy and The Rock unite in the final battle against the Lazer Storm(9/18/05)
- Immortal Review - Final Fantasy Spirits Within + Fifth Element + Aeon Flux + Crap = This (12/12/05)
- Coronado Review - Could Jennifer Anniston overthrow the government? Apparently yes, but I hope not. (12/18/05)
- World Combat Dating - J. M. recruits some folks to help him battle another dumb site he's found.(7/7/06)
- Elastic Steel - In the sequel to WCD, J. M. takes on an Eastern European who can kick his own face. (7/13/06)
- King Solomon's Mines - A rendition of Hagards masterwork that features Russians and nonsense. Yay! (8/10/06)
- J M VS Nair - JM Puts depiliatory cream on his cock. A good time is had by all until the horrid burning ensues. (10/31/08)
- Dragon Heart 2: A Bit Unhinging - JM buys the well recieved Sean Connery flick only to discover its coupled with a movie that lacks any sign of Sean Connery!
- J M does the news: the musical - J M focuses on some musical malfeasance.
- I Can Do Better - The first scene of my first full length play. It's Oscar Wilde meets Jerry Seinfeld. Homosexuality, insane fetishes, stalking, and somehow an incredible amount of light hearted humour are just some of the facets of this play about the quirkiness of human romance.
- Hunter's Paradox Chapter 1 - My first novel. The story of a young vampire hunter coming to terms with the world and searching for himself.
- Glamis The Great - A satire on the fantasy and gaming genres.
It contains hilarious fantasy novel situations looked at through the window of logical thought as well as numerous video game and movie references.(6/10/05)
- Query letters of the poor and barely known - Some stuff I want to store online so I can print it for publishers more easily.(9/26/05)
- Worlds Beyond Belief -The tale of a brave group of idiots who brave alternate dimensions, also of idiots.
Operation Eagle Strike
- Jesus Is Lord dot com part 1 - SeeJ M Hoffmando intellectual battle with a guy who will likely thinkhe's the devil. FUN!(5/26/05)
- Jesus is lord dot com part 2 - The epic struggle to avoid laughter when Christians say stuff like "Halleleujah praise jEEEsus" continues. And, inevitably, is lost by J M Hoffman.(5/28/05)
- Debauchery, part 1 -J. M.'scomprehensive guide to everything on the internet that is wrong, offensive, or gross, this installment examines terrorist chat rooms..(7/27/05)
- Debauchery, part 2 - Part two focuses on fetish chats and other grossness. (7/29/05)
- Debauchery, part 3 - This part focuses on Christians who get sexually aroused by hating gays. (8/3/05)
- The "Answer" - The first article by Saint Floppydisk, leader of the Jelly Pufflemur Christian Baiting Lazer Squad. (8/9/05)
- Christian Baiting Lazer Squad -An elite group of Jelly Pufflemur funded Christian baiters(8/22/05)
- A tour of heaven - Saint Floppydisk confronts the crazy arsed Christians of heaventour.org(8/28/05)
- Fuck Fred Phelps - J M takes on possibly the most crazy arsed Christian ever in the first of a series of articles(9/3/05)
- Christian Gallery - Saint Otal Nimrodi meets a fellow who wants everyone to learn the definition of the word faggot.(9/12/05)
- Christian Debt Help - J.M. is going to be helped out of his drug debts. By Jesus. (4/27/06)
- Operation Save America - J. M. Is not pleased with the latest attempt to save America. From gays. (11/22/06)
- Fun with Pat Robertson -J. M. learns how he can leg press 2000 pounds with pancakes and discovers that the true meaning of gods love is calling people Nazis all the time.(3/14/07)
Biographies you won't find on A&E:
- J M Hofmarn biography - Slade Displays his knowledge of J M Hoffman but there's more display than knowledge.(6/3/05)
- Sime Sublime - J M Hofmarn practices the American art of writing about stuff one is ignorant of.(5/30/05)
- Slade - Sime Sublime strikes back in style with his scathing biography filled with revelation's about Slade's previously unknown father, a bicycle.(6/6/05)
- Osama Bin Laden - A biography of an evil terrorist mastermind
- George W Bush - A biography of the current leader of the U.S.
- Chris- A biography of a fellow who occasionally appears at my house to drag me off in the middle of the night. I think he's a wizard (By J M Hoffman, 8/26/05)
- J M Hoffman: 22 Years in Review - A recap of my life so far.
- Blake's Biography - The life of our spiritual leader is detailed here, come and be enlightened. (1/19/06)
- Interview With The Barend - J. M. Hoffman attempts to fathom a creature with 5000 posts...(6/5/05)
- Chyld - A series of lies and nonsense about Public Enemy Number One (5/11/08)
- Exams - Sime gives all of you some much needed help for taking exams at school, but no help for medical exams. Not that I need any. Don't look at me like that. It's just a small rash. That's all.(5/30/05)
- Roofing Compound part 1 - J. M. Hoffman helps you select a roofing compound. If you're an idiot.(6/4/05)
- Roofing Compound part 2 - J. M. Helps you build a ladder. If you're suicidal.(6/6/05)
- Roofing Compound part 3 - J. M. Helps you climb your stupid ass around on your roof. If you can't think of anymore adjectives.(6/8/05)
- Internet Fashion Revue - J. M. pretty much talks about other sites updates because he cant make one of his own. So very, very sad. (3/31/06)
- Fun Facts About Canada - J M has been to Canada once. He is now the world's foremost expert on Canada. All bow to his widom.... Wisdon... Fuck. (3/10/07)
- Jelly Pufflemur vs Less Is More
- Scary Week 2005
- Frogs Review - A reviw of a horror film about some frogs and some idiots (10/23/05)
- King of Zombies Review - Saint Floppydisk reviews a film about some homsexuality, and some unimpressive zombies.(10/25/05)
- Objective Ministries - Saint Mirithorn and some crazy Christians help us all understand why Halloween is such an occult orgy (10/27/05)
- Lost Voyage Review - Saint Otal Nimrodi reviews a film that is not Event Horizon, no matter how it tries (10/29/05)
- Classic Horror Novels - J M finished off scary week with synopsi of some Victorian era novels, and some arse buggering. (10/31/05)
- God Loves Soldiers -J M kicks off Christ[ianbaiting]mas with an article about a site that could just as well be called God loves helicopter deer hunters.(12/22/05)
- Citizens United for a Decent Internet - J M, on a lone suicide mission against the web's craziest Christians, makes fun of a guy who thinks terrorists stole his grapefruit.(12/25/05)
- Faith? - J. M. Continues his all J. M. Christian baiting specail with an article that actually hardly insults anyone. (12/28/05)
- Repent America - J. M. Finishes off Christ[ianbaiting]mas with an attack on some more Christian biggots (1/1/06)
- Winter-een-mas 2006
- Mazes and Monsters - J. M. takes on the original anti-gaming movie, with special guest- baby Tom Hanks! (1/25/06)
- Nintendogs - Blake reviews a game about some dogs and some repetion and some dogs and some repetition in his debut article (1/26/06)
- A plea for responsible drunken gaming - Sime Sublime wrote this, likely while drunk. (1/27/06)
- Zoo Tycoon - Saint Floppydisk shows why the apes hated Charlton Heston so much. (1/28/06)
- Street Fighter 2 - Chyld takes time out of his battle with J. M. to provide this review. It's "Turbo" (1/29/06)
- Lego Star Wars - Otal Nimrodi actually liked a game, but only because he didnt have time to hate something (1/30/06)
- Mortal Kombat animated review - Dorothy reviews a MK animated series with as much zeal as any boy could muster for a fighting game, perhaps more! (1/31/06)
- Hitting a bear in the crotch with a salami
- A how to, by Emu - Emu's exhaustive treatise on hitting bears in the crotches with salami is the first work submitted to the themed writing event, and so far, is the bench mark for quality.(HABITCWAS 1/30/07)
- Ninja Duck's Story - Ninja Duck, our old buddy, comes through with the second story, this one more fictional.(2/13/07)
- Stephen Colbert VS The Bear - Jane Sherwood sinks her teeth into HABITCWAS. From what the doctors say, there won't be too much permanent scarring.(2/20/07)
- Tragedy at Jellystone - Gobbler, our resident kraut,writes a surprisingly dark HABITCWAS that has it all, love, death, crotches and salami! (2/21/07)
- The End of Durf Persimmon - Icey the Icelander leaves us hanging in suspense as we continue our international assault on bears balls (2/22/07)
- The Beginings of the Kingdom - Saint Otal Nimrodi of the JPCBLS gives us a fascinating history featuring Chefelf, a salami, and a bear's crotch.(2/27/07)
- Durf VS Iraqi Interrogation Guy - What happens when J M and Slade take both their salamis into a bears crotch? No, not sexual innuendo: Great fiction! (3/5/07)
The L&E days of J M Hoffman:
- The reign of the Iloo - From way back in mid 2003. My first article with L&E about internet enabled toilets
- Asking for a raise - My second article, about 2 months later, had me debating how to ask Lucas for a raise. At that time I barely knew him and had only worked at the inn for a month or two!
- Waiting in a parking lot - Another comedic journey, featuring murder and Dr. Hannibal Lecter.
- The Candidate - The sequel to my asking for a raise article. I actually made a little movie to accompany it but it never got shown.
- How to become a Redcloud - A guide I made to joining the ranks of the L&E elite. Unfortunately its not a very good guide.
- Anthony's Pizza of World Domination - Some people eat pizza because its yummy. I eat it so I can write lengthy articles linking its makers to terrorists.
- My Jenny Marx survey answers - In which I answer a survey administered by Marx's daughter.
- My Fool Is A Crock - My contribution to the MFIAC literary movement
- Blackwood Farm review - My slanderous review of Anne Rice's horrible novel, not to be confused with her other horrible novel, "Blood Canticle" Or her series of horrible novels, "The Beauty Trilogy"
- The Return of Sauron - A piece me and Blake(pen name: Bugs Jedith)wrote during the height of our love for LOTR.